Bound by Jaded Memories
by randomlvr1
Summary: Memories are easy to forget if you loosen your grasp on them. The future deserves undivided attention lest memories be repeated. What does Japan want? What does China want? Both are bound by jaded memories of jade.
1. when then was now

. . . [_______bound by jaded memories_______] . . .

X

~{ - when then was now - } ~  
-p r o l o g u e-

X

x

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_Warning - I have no idea what I'm doing with this. This may be left as is, who knows? Input is being accepted._

_._

China, with already two thousand years of wisdom backing him, honestly did not know what to make of the boy.

He watched carefully as the young stoic boy tried so obviously to pretend he wasn't captivated by the many scrolls and paintings adorning his walls. It resulted in a face seemingly twisted into disinterest and a pair of eyebrows twitching up to his forehead. China stifled his chuckles into the sleeve of his robe, grateful the boy was too absorbed to hear him and fix him with those insightful, and slightly patronizing, obsidian-black eyes.

In the several minutes China had known the boy - whom he had introduced himself as _Japan _('from-where-the-sun-rises,' he scoffed) - he already knew the boy was special. Like an old man trapped within a child's body and emotional capacity. But, for all China knew about _Japan_, he just as well may be an old man.

Because _Japan_ was just like him, and exactly not - _Japan_ was a nation-person, cursed to roam the Earth just like he was until the day his civilization collapsed. But China - wisewise_wise_ China - didn't know anything about the strange new nation, who's people were represented by a boy that looked and wore clothes so much like his, and yet, not.

All China knew definitely was that where he was light, cheerful (sometimes, overly so), _Japan_ was serious, cold. But _Japan_ was the little boy with a slightly malformed, little-kid view on the world, and China was . . .

Well, what exactly was he?

He could just be China - the growing and prospering nation that had, so far, withstood the test of time, but had left a sprouting nation to die, alone - or he could be the big brother - taking a new nation under his wing and protecting Japan like he never was himself. What was it - take it or leave it?

But a pair of inquisitive amethyst eyes on him interrupted his thoughts, and he blinked away his reverie just to catch Japan's black head of hair turn back to the scroll he was just inspecting as if he hadn't just been caught staring at his maybe-new-guardian. China bit on his smiling lips, trying to contain the squeal to the back of his throat - perhaps it was pathetic for a nation of his age, but China _adored_ cute things and nothing was cuter at the moment then a little being of innocence like Japan.

_His _Japan.

"Do you like it?" China asked gently, pulling the necklace Japan had been previously gazing at out for a better view.

Japan's eyes darted from the painting, to the item, and back so quickly China barely caught it, never moving any other part of his body. He nodded once, faintly. China stepped closer, ignoring the boy's half-step back, and bent down to eye level to Japan (all the while fighting off round after round of undeniable _squeals_). He held the milky green gem on the palm of his hand and offered it to the boy.

Japan stared at the gem impassively, a faint sparkle of mirth in his bleak eyes, and reached out for the gem slowly. His hand hovered over the older nation's, before he seemed to reconsider his actions and dropped his hand back by his side. Smiling tenderly, China used his free hand and guided Japan's limp one to the green gem.

"It's called jade," China explained quietly as the boy cradled the rock in his small hands, running his chubby fingers over the carvings carefully. "Someone carved a chrysanthemum into it. Have you ever seen a chrysanthemum?"

Japan shook his head slightly, mesmerized by the green jade. Impulsively, China reached back and undid the knot of red string that kept the jewel hanging off his neck, and removed it completely. The young boy watched silently as the red string was tied around his own neck, leaving a beautiful piece of jade to rest atop of his blue robes.

China wasn't sure what drove him to give away such a precious and rare treasure so arbitrarily, but he didn't regret the almost-smile that graced Japan's face or the way his eyes lit up so innocently as he fondled the gem warmly. He looked up from his new gift with a question in his eyes - _"Is this really okay?"_

The older nation nodded his head fondly. "Just promise me one thing." He waited for the almost indiscernible nod. "You must always wear it and keep it close to your heart. Jade only stays pretty and green if you wear it. Don't ever let it grow cold."

_Never let your heart become like the stone of your gaze,_ was left unsaid, lingering quietly in the back of China's mind.

Another nod, but this time firmer and with a sense of self-conviction. China's smile grew and he stroked the boy's silken tresses fondly. "Come on - I'm sure you're hungry, and I'll cook you whatever you like. Do you like duck? Or maybe noodles? And if I have any soy sauce, I can make-"

"_Domo arigato, Chugoku_," he murmurs so quietly China thinks he's just imagined it. He hesitates, then adds, _"On__ii-sama_."

The older nation turns around, slightly confused. "Uh . . . What?"

He could have sworn he saw a flicker of amusement and a smile, but it's gone before he can focus his eyes. "_Xie xie, Zhongguo_."

China chuckles lightly. "_Bu yung ke tzi!_ Now, what do you want to eat?"

* * *

_- a/n - Based upon real history? I suppose, but I can't be sure with wikipedia - they told me that the first documented exchange between China and Japan was in 57 C.E. when the Chinese emperor presented a gold seal to Japan. But jade is cool too, right? -asian nerd is shot- Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that . . . jumble of thoughts. Hopefully, there will be more sense and less jumble coming up._

_Ciao~_


	2. both sides of the equation

. . . [_______bound by jaded memories_______] . . .

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~ { - both sides of the equation - } ~

-p r o l o g u e . p a r t . II-

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_Warning - Sporadic updates are promised. Don't like? Can't handle? Please exit in an orderly fashion on either side of the building._

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"Hey, don't you think we should be heading back? _Ge ge_ is probably getting worried by now . . . "

Little Taiwan chewed on her lower lip and gave a backward glance towards the direction of the house they'd left hours earlier. She earned an amused snort from her Korean brother as he tugged her hand forward and a thoughtful glance from her other Japanese brother. They trudged on, Taiwan however unwillingly complying.

"Don't be such a goody-two-shoes," Korea taunted, stomping forward with no destination in mind. "We haven't even been gone for an hour."

Taiwan gave her brother a dubious look, obviously questioning his fallible sense of was also hesitant in continuing in their makeshift journey, but did not voice his concerns like Taiwan had as they ventured further into the foliage.

"Hey - you see that river over there? I'll race to you to it! _Readysetgo!_"

Without further warning, Korea released his grip on Taiwan and sprinted forward. Squealing with excitement, his sister dashed after him as she kicked up her skirts to facilitate the furious pumping of her legs. Only Japan paused, halting altogether and weighing his options quickly before deciding that a little physical exertion would have to be sacrificed if he were to keep his younger siblings out of trouble. Blowing agitatedly through his nose, he jumped over a fallen branch and ran through the thick greenery.

Distantly, Japan muttered as he tried to stumble though the low hanging leaves, "This must be how China feels when Korea refuses to take a bath."

[_________.xXx.________]

After much insistence, and some dragging, Japan finally managed to get his little siblings back home. He had enough of their silly games and limitless enthusiasm (to which Japan's own disposition contrasted - stoic and calm), and was ready to hand them back into China's capable hands so that he could be free to sleep his weariness off.

But arriving in their familiar abode, they found nothing but an unnerving stillness. Though Hong Kong - the one sibling that had refused to join them - had never been boisterous, the atmosphere did not hold the life and energy China usually carried with him. A quick search of the house revealed that Hong Kong and China were indeed missing.

"Where are _ge ge_ and _de de_?" Tears shone in Taiwan's eyes, threatening to spill over. Her small frame shook with anxiousness as she stared down the deserted hall to the rooms they had already scoured. "Why aren't they here? _Er ge_, I'm scared."

Awkwardly, Japan kneeled down to take his sister in his arms as she cried quietly into his robes. Vaguely remembering how China would stroke Taiwan's hair reassuringly when she became upset, he robotically forced his hands to mimic the action and was rewarded with her slowed breathing. Korea faced Taiwan and gave her his own analysis of the situation.

"China-_hyung_ went out to buy groceries!" Korea declared and threw out his chest for emphasis of his confidence. "He's probably going to cook us a huge dinner tonight, with all our favorite foods!"

Japan felt Taiwan shaking her head on his shoulder. "Do you think he went out looking for us? Maybe he's the one who's lost."

This seemed like a very plausible theory - Japan knew China to be protective of them, and he wouldn't hesitate to say that the elder would run after if he thought they were lost. He swallowed dryly and held onto Taiwan a little tighter.

"D-Do you hear that?" Korea suddenly asked, eyes wide with horror.

Shushing his sister, Japan strained his ears to catch anything that might have sounded out of the ordinary. Just as he was going to dismiss Korea's fears to the wind, he heard the faint shuffling of footsteps somewhere in the woods outside their house.

"Is it _ge ge_?" Taiwan buried her head into his robes and he felt her shaking again.

Japan gave his younger siblings a quick glance - Taiwan was crying again into her hands, and Korea looked ready to join her. He pried his sister off of him, handed her to Korea with a stern nod, and disappeared down the hall to the source of the shuffling. His heart beat feverishly in his chest;0b each beat a dull thump in his ears, as he came to the hall leading to the main doors.

It had begun to rain, and the unusual absence of light further highlighted the orb of brilliance coming towards the house. He waited for several moments, at a loss at what to do other than observe through the paper panes, as the light came nearer and nearer to the house. But just before thought could connect to action, the door slid open - Japan could still see the rain gracing the earth as the two figures taking up the doorway stumbled in. The taller one put out his lantern wearily, replacing it on the hook on the wall where China always kept his lantern, and turned to Japan.

The reaction was immediate - the figure gasped as if he had seen a ghost, hesitated, then ran the remaining distance between them to envelop him in a desperate grasp. In close proximity, Japan realized it was China, soaked through the layers of his robe, and a little Hong Kong, trailing behind uncertainly. Gasps erupting from behind him told him that Korea and Taiwan had wandered towards the scene.

"Where were you?!" China demanded breathlessly, releasing Japan to take the two crying children into his arms.

Korea looked up with tear-streaked cheeks. "Where were _you_?" he countered.

"I was out with _Xiang Gang_ looking for you! You three were gone for hours!" China frowned. "Were you guys thinking of me at all?! I've never felt so scared in my life - I'd thought I had lost all of you!"

Korea and Taiwan drowned out the rain with their sniffles and repeated choruses of "I'm sorry!". Japan stayed back, Hong Kong floating by his side, feeling as if he did not belong in this heartfelt scene with his own kin. Incessant guilt began to gnaw at his stomach, and he willed it to leave and take the horrible feeling with it

"I guess I should just be happy you guys weren't kidnapped or hurt," China murmured exasperatedly, though the sincere gratitude on his face said otherwise. He slipped out of Taiwan and Korea's grasp with little trouble and shuffled away. "I think I need some tea . . ."

No sooner had China left the room, Hong Kong burst out into tears with a loud start. The shock on each of their faces told the same story - not one of them had ever witnessed little Hong Kong show any more emotion than a rock. But, by the intensity of his wails, it seemed as if he did hold the normal human capacity to feel.

"What's wrong, _de de_?" Taiwan asked, being the first of them to break out of her shock to hold her youngest brother. She wiped away the relentless trails of tears with the soft pads of her thumb, giving a feeble smile as hoping it would brighten Hong Kong's own mood. "Can you tell _jie jie_ what's wrong?"

Even with such passionate feeling, it seemed as if Hong Kong was still unwilling to speak. He continued his cries, muffling his sobs in his sister's dress.

"He's just tired," China spoke up weakly from behind them, acting as if this were a scene he saw everyday. "Dragging him around town probably wasn't one of my better ideas . . . I think once he gets some sleep, he'll be fine."

Placing his cup of tea on a table, he swooped down and balanced Hong Kong on his hip effortlessly. The toddler seemed comforted with his eldest brother cradling him, and began lulling into sleep. Smiling tenderly, China turned back down the hall to his own room, bypassing the room that the overly mature Hong Kong had staked as his own. Taiwan was at the tail of his flowing robes, clutching onto the fabric securely as if she were afraid to lose sight of her brother again. After a faltering moment, Korea ran after them, and all three of them disappeared into China's master bedroom.

Japan was left by himself in the hallway, where he'd been standing silently for the entire duration, feeling very alone in this full and lively house. He shivered and turned away, ambling towards his own room. He fell, emotionally and physically exhausted, onto his bed with a creak and shut his eyes.

[_________.xXx.________]

He awoke with the dim sunlight filtering through his paper-paned screens. He wasn't as cold as he expected it to be, falling asleep on top of the covers last night.

Japan shifted slightly and realized that the blankets had somehow wrapped around him in the night. Not only that, but something seemed to be stroking his head. Without looking up, he breathed in plum blossoms and tea, knowing it was China who had decided to visit him this early morning. He was probably also the one who had rearranged the blankets around him thoughtfully.

But Japan didn't care to be taken care of and, usually, one cold glance would send the older nation away with a defeated sigh. This morning, however, he decided he couldn't muster any iciness when he was so warm.

He stayed his position for a few more minutes, resting his eyes and, for the first time, realizing how comforting China's touch was. He eventually shrugged the blankets off him and sat up wearily in his futon, expecting China to leave him to his solitude and not really wanting him to.

Surprisingly, China stayed on his spot on the tatami and lifted a finger to his lips to unnecessarily hush Japan.

"They're still sleeping," he whispered fondly, obviously referring to the younger ones, and took a short sip from his tea cup. Wordlessly, he offered another cup to Japan. It was Japan's favorite - chrysanthemum. He took it with a silent nod of thanks and sipped on it numbly.

"I'm sorry about last night."

The quiet island nation looked up from the steaming cup in his hands slowly. There was no evidence of emotion in his carefully blank features. The older nation observed the younger's level reaction with an weary sigh.

"I was just so worried about the _hai zi men_," he explained softly, fingering the rim of his cup almost obsessively. "I didn't pause to think about including you. I feel quite silly, actually, forgetting one of my own siblings . . ."

Wordlessly, Japan rose from his futon and took several efficient steps to the other side of his room. China let Japan go, feeling a twinge of disappointment at himself sink in his stomach before the younger nation returned with something clutched in his right hand.

Japan felt his fingers close around the trinket in his hand too tightly - enough to leave an imprint in his hand, he was sure - quickly debating whether or not he should. It seemed too . . . sentimental coming from him, and he did not want China to interpret it incorrectly. But, at the same time, he knew it was just the answer his guardian was looking for. He knew it was the assurance he, himself, needed. To remind both of them of their bond as brothers.

He unfurled his fingers and offered a jade pendant in the palm of his hand. The swirling and distorted images of flowers and rivers encrusted with modest amounts of gold stared up at them.

The other man stared at it blankly for a moment, and Japan resorted to leaning forward and slipping the black-stringed necklace around China's neck. It lied plainly against the green robes covering the elder nation.

Clearing his throat unnecessarily, Japan spoke up in a meek voice, "So you won't forget me."

Because, as last night had proved, it was so easy to be forgone in a house full of rowdy children squabbling for attention. But it was only when Japan had lost China's undivided attention that he realized how much he missed it. How a blind man did not appreciate the gift of sight until it was taken away from him.

Both had been always been available, wasted, ignored until they realized how strange it was to be without it. Japan, a blinded man seeing again, didn't want it happening again and he hoped this small reminder around the elder's neck would ensure just that.

But, for a frightening moment, Japan thought he had done something terribly wrong and China did not answer him. He was about to stammer out some kind apology, some excuse, when China looked up with a kind smile and immediately embraced Japan in a hug.

The detached nation froze in his guardian's arms. He did not relax until China released him with an exuberant beam. Japan looked away shyly, and took a small sip of his lukewarm tea.

"You've always been so practical," China muttered good-naturedly. He pointed to his adopted sibling's own pendant and tilted his head approvingly. "This way, we can't forget about each other. Mmm, it's nice to know you care Kiku."

That blatant statement was only to be expected from his Chinese sibling, and Japan found that he wouldn't want it any other way. It made China easy to read, easy to understand. Or so he assumed.

Giving his elder a small smile, he listened as his brother retold the hectic events of last night, after they had retired to their own rooms. How Taiwan wouldn't leave Hong Kong's side and Korea refused to share the large bed with his various siblings. It was told with such energy that Japan easily forgot last night's loneliness.

China would make sure he was never forgotten. Likewise, Japan would never let China forget him.

For as long as Japan wanted to be remembered, that is.

* * *

_- a/n - Second chapter and not dead? This deserves some actual attention, it seems . . . Let's get the dedications out of the way, shall we?_

_**dreams. of .destiny** - for effectively selling me my ticket to this ship. It's been one chaotic and trying voyage, but I haven't regretted it. Yet.  
Winter's Dance - for supporting me with her unabashed love for this pairing. It's what's been keeping me going.  
**Hannaadi88** - for being an awesome beta and the unrelenting logic to my flourish.  
darandomninja - for being an awesome friend that kept encouraging me to write even when I gave her rubbish and called it gold._

_Love and kisses to my dutiful reviewers . . .  
Panda-Adrilyne, Winter's Dance, Peridot Tears, Hikari Kame, Hinata Uzumaki-sama, and Victoria Wan_

_Some more love to my new fans and stalkers . . .  
Shinigamiyoko, Winter's Dance, Hikari Kame, Anime and Manga 4ever XD, ChiropteraQueen278, Hinata Uzumaki-sama, and Victoria Wan_

_No more long blabs, I do so solemnly swear! And next chapter will begin the real story . . ._

_Zai jian~_


	3. burn the books and bury the scholars

. . . [_______bound by jaded memories_______] . . .

X

~ { - burn the books and bury the scholars - } ~  
-c h a p t e r . o n e-

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Japan had been planning this day for ages, but he'd seen it coming for even longer. Would it be cruel, wrong, _dishonorable_ to say he'd predicted it as soon as the beginning? The second China _(that old, naive man)_ had plucked him from the wild forests of bamboo?

But doesn't every child understand that one day they'll leave the nest? Don't they aspire and dream of the sweet, _sweet_ taste of freedom on their lips?

This child had.

And he was no longer a child and his dreams had morphed into preparation of the inevitable. He had told China _(you unsuspecting optimist)_ his wishes in nothing short of carving it into his skin. And China _(the stubborn fool) _had dismissed it all by every manner short of staring him straight in the eye and blatantly saying, 'no'.

So if nothing else would work, why hold back? His sheathed katana suddenly became a dead weight on his hip.

Japan's tongue darted out and wetted his lips nervously. He'd been planning his departure for _too_ long. His military regalia had been tailored for him and a million adjustments had been made at the tailor's (since it was it now beneath him to be self-sufficient and mend his clothes with his own hands), and he'd practiced every step and word to a nearly disturbing perfection.

He took the old cobblestone path to China's _(you ageless, unchanging man)_ private residence, and he saw the state of discord this once mighty country had fallen into. The path was littered with hazardous potholes kicked by feet and blown in by the guns the old nation did not possess nor want on his soil. Quite a pity, actually, because if he hadn't been so high and obstinate on his old and crumbling throne, he may have stood a chance against the scavenging European powers.

He hadn't, though, and Japan just had to bring dignity back to his disgraced family by learning from example. He was good at that, learning by others mistakes that was.

But for every step closer to his destination - the formerly shining estate of his and China's _(the fallen and pathetic nation)_ younger days - another piece of his steely determination and flawless perfection would break away. Every step forward was two steps back.

At the face of the cracked wooden door, Japan could barely remember if he was petitioning for release or permission to take a walk around the city. Weren't they same thing? He couldn't quite tell the difference anymore. Freedom was a very relative concept.

"What am I thinking?" Japan demanded of himself, hand clutching the handle of his katana and considering just throwing it away. "_Chuugoku_ isn't a tyrant. He is honorable _onii-san_ and I am being a disgraceful brother for even considering this."

The small island nation pulled at a fistful of his hair, wishing someone could cure his terrible headache with gentle hands and herbal oils. That they would make the decision for him so his wavering resolve could be spared.

_"I don't think I quite understand why you respect him so much."_

Japan thin lips become thinner as he bit on them. He remembered now, whether he wanted to or not.

[_________.xXx.________]

_Japan thinks it's a rather personal question. And though he isn't sure who his counterpart is referring to, the question is intrusive none-the-less. Don't foreign men have the same sense of shame as us, he thinks. Shouldn't he know that Japan can't, won't, answer that question? Doesn't he care for boundaries he has crossed?_

_He takes a breath and a scent that is so sweet it can only be evil fills his lungs. He looks to the source and sees his (or, more appropriately, China's) guest gazing levelly at him with eyes as green as a snake's scales. There is no moon tonight to reflect in those eyes, but they are alight anyway, as though they were haughty enough to believe they are brighter than the sun itself. Japan looks away instinctively, saying to himself that they might as well be with the arrogance foreigners always had._

_"I was referring to your brother," the green-eyed man says slowly, like one would when speaking to a child. Japan's mouth goes dry and his hands grow clammy. He feels dumb but can't say anything as the other nation smiles softly and continues. "The one you call your 'onii-san'. I don't understand how you can still hold him in such high regards. Tell me, is it one of your customs to feign respect when you feel none for those you are required to look up to?"_

_At least I have the decency to do such even at the face of a man as shameful as yourself! Japan clenches his jaw and says nothing because he will be the more dignified person in this exchange by not being so blatantly rude. This whole conversation, in fact, was a discreet way to flaunt the little respect this Western nation had for his siblings of the East. Never mind that he sometimes felt the same way about the falling kingdoms around him._

_"I'm afraid you're mistaken," Japan says with forced ease in a language he hates but wishes he could speak better. "Respect in families is a certain. I am not sure of your customs, but we believe that without respect, there is no stability."_

_The foreigner chuckles, and, for the life of him, Japan cannot understand what was entertaining about his comment. Or perhaps he finds his entire culture amusing. Who knew with these men?_

_"Peace, I meant no harm Japan," he soothes, and the Asian nation finds himself calmed despite himself. "I merely found it curious that your loyalty for your brother was so deep when he has done nothing for you. Am I correct in that assumption?"_

_Japan can't, won't, answer that question. His lips will remain tight and he'll excuse himself suddenly because he cannot bear to be the company of a man so sickening and unmannered. He will forget this conversation and this meeting, and he will go on with his life without this memory to add another stain to it._

_He breathes in the aroma of sweet opiates and does not move from his spot on the balcony, next to the green-eyed monster._

_"China has taken care of me as a child," Japan argues weakly._

_"That was then - what about now?" The foreigner raises an eyebrow. The Asian can't help but note it is at least three times the size of any one of his sibling's delicate ones. "As I've seen, you've been the one taking care of the inhabitants of this estate and yourself. Wouldn't you say he has become obsolete by now?"_

_Japan can feel his temper rise. "China is a good man, honorable and virtuous-"_

_"Do good men throw away fortunes meant for their families on drugs?" the other nation pursues passionately. Something about this has touched him personally. "Do good men restrict the growth of their children because they can't bear to see them become more than they ever were? Do honorable and virtuous men do these things, Japan?"_

_He does not answer the question. It takes all of his self-restraint and concentration not to show the rage he is feeling for this demon. Japan wishes he could honestly say he was angry because his older brother was being attacked unrightfully, but he cannot. He is angry because this foreigner with alien ideas has not spoken a single lie. He has told more truth in these last few minutes than China has in years. _

_Japan cannot understand how something so different, so unspeakable, can be so right._

_"Japan, I want to help you."_

_The Asian nation has not heard these words in a long time. Some all-consuming loneliness stirs within him, and he looks away from the black expanse of moonless sky to the other nation hopefully. He is not met with amber eyes that once cared deeply, but frantic jade eyes that seemed crazed by secrets Japan does not know. Reverence passes through his mind as he stares into those evil eyes. He hears enough to know of the power this nation held and he can't help but respect that much of him. _

_The world is changing, if China's fall from steady power is any indication. Was madness what it took to become the most powerful in this new world?_

_"I don't want to see you suffer," the other nation says, though something in those eyes takes away the meaning in those words. Japan listens anyway. "You need to separate yourself from your failing brother. Make something of yourself without China there to pull you back. Do you understand what I'm saying?"_

_Yes, I do, Japan thinks. The thoughts should never have entered his mind, but they had. He was well aware of the yearnings for independence, but those monsters of temptation were suffocated in the recesses of his mind. What would he do now that the monster was watching him with its jade-green eyes, anticipating his answer?_

_"Kiku? Is that you?"_

_He would never know. Jumping away from the green eyes fixed on him, Japan vows to forget this conversation before it infests him with some kind of demon logic. He turns to the voice behind him, but he already knows who it is from the heavy scent of smoked opium that clogs the air. _

_"Good evening, onii-san," Japan greets blandly as usual, trying to cover the foul taste of guilt on his tongue. "I was just talking to . . . "_

_But when the stoic Asian looks back, all he sees is a deserted balcony. But the monsters are not gone - he can feel them revived in his head. All the whispers and malicious thoughts he could never voice end up reverberating loudly in his mind._

_"Talking to . . . ?" _

_Japan looks back and finds that the interest in his guardian's eyes are glossy. It does not matter what he says to China in this state, he thinks bitterly, he probably won't even remember it._

_"To myself, it seems," the island nation murmurs unconvincingly. It takes an substantial amount of effort to find the will to bow to his elder respectfully when all he wants to do is cover his nose from the sickly-sweet smell wafting off him. But that wouldn't be acceptable according to the manners China had taught him. "Good night, onii-san."_

_The moon is not there to witness Japan turn away from his brother of nearly two millennia and China will not even remember this entire exchange._

[_________.xXx.________]

_Knock, knock_.

Two knocks. That was all it took to change history forever.

"Ah, Kiku," China greeted optimistically as soon as the door was pushed aside. "What are you doing this late at night?"

"Forgive me . . ."

"I've just made some _zongzi_," the elder nation said in dismissal, waving one long sleeve carelessly. "Come in."

The younger nation paused. Two knocks was not what it took to change history irrevocably. He still had the chance to forget all of this nonsense and have dinner with his _onii-san_ as a friend, as a brother.

_"Do you understand what I'm saying?"_

Japan's hand went to the hilt of his katana. After a moment, not enough to let him regret but enough to steady his shaking fingers, he drew the glinting steel from its sheath. The sound was like a dying breath.

"Why are you holding such a dangerous thing?"

_China, you ancient relic . . . _

"W-Why are you pointing it at me? Stop it, Kiku!"

_. . . why are you so concerned with the past you can never relive that you cannot see what is coming up in front of you? _

Japan brought the sword down in a swooping arc. When he cracked open his eyes, he saw the bloody line of irreversible damage he had inflicted on his guardian. Former guardian. And with a start, he realized that China had turned away from the slash, like he always would. Preferring to look back than look forward.

"You fool! Looking back will only bring you to your ruin! Forget who you were and look at what you will become!"

It's only when Japan's throat became raw that he realized that feral shout had been his. He froze before turning around and running. In his haste, he stumbled over a blood-splattered chrysanthemum bush. If the blood wasn't cleaned off, they would be ruined come dawn. Hesitating, Japan plucked one from its siblings.

_Yes England-san, I understand perfectly_.

[_________.xXx.________]

The next day, as Japan got ready to bathe the blood of the previous night away, he realized he was still wearing the jade China had given him so long ago. For the first time since that day, Japan willing took it off.

After a short walk, he dangled the green gem over his pond by its red string. Just as he was about to release it, a brilliantly red and white koi with brown eyes wandered curiously to the surface. It nipped at the glassy surface, as if expecting its next meal to be one of precious jade and soured memories. After a hesitation, Japan retracted his hand and stuffed the ornament into his pocket.

"I wouldn't want to hurt the fish," he told himself quietly.

He walked back to his house, twisting a blood-stained chrysanthemum between his fingers. In the daylight, he couldn't understand why he had picked one the night before. He derived no twisted pleasure from seeing it like criminals got from a sick souvenir. In fact, the iron red was making him quite uneasy.

Japan easily let go of it. It was ruined anyway.

_- a/n - I want to apologize for the unnecessarily long wait. I was quite disheartened when I lost the outline to this multi-chaptered monster, and I'm not quite sure if I'll be able to continue it now . . ._

_Just a few notes about this chapter . . .  
The title was based off a old Chinese proverb about throwing away the past and starting anew. It derives from the first emperor of China, who did indeed burn any books that talked about the history of China before his reign and buried scholars alive that tried to save these books. Quite terrible, isn't? Just goes to show that the past is not meant to be forgotten.  
England may seem a bit out of character, so I apologize for that. I wanted to get more into his head, but Japan isn't particularly interested in England personally at this point. He might be a bit star struck by his power, but he won't give a damn about a little boy that grew into a man and broke England's heart a million times over. And how he's become a bit closer to madness that way . . .  
The bloodied chrysanthemum was a last minute change. I added it because I felt I needed to clarify that Japan had lost his innocence and protection from the world in one swoop. You'll see how he's tarnished further in later chapters. Perhaps._

_And my apologies for not properly responding to your reviews. I'll work on being more efficient with that . . ._

_Cookies will be generously awarded to anyone who can correctly deduce why England encouraged Japan's independence (it's definitely not charity, I'll tell you that). Or can guess what song I was listening to while writing this. Answers will be revealed in the next installment, if it ever comes . . . _

_All my love,  
Tammy-wa_


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